Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Tsunami of emotions

I guess its not the first time my heart is left broken,
I guess its not the first time i cry and not the last time it will happen,
cause i just cant stop thinking of you,
I'm just an ordinary fool who is always around you, always willing to sit around and wait for you
But baby, you dont seem to see that I'm the only one, waiting for you
I'm deeply in love with you
My head says "let it go"
My heart says "dont let go"
And holding on to the end, is what i will do.

I have a picture, pinned to my wall
An image of you and me and we are laughing about it all,
Look at us now, tattered and torn.
We fuss, we fight and delight in the tears that we cry till the dawn,
I thought of stopping and somewhere far far away,
But baby, you know very well that there's no where that i'd rather go than to be with you,
You ask if i love you, well what can i say?
You know that I do and its gonna be the same,
So i will sing you a new song, please don't cry anymore,
I will be asking for you forgiveness, though I dont know what im asking it for,
But i definitely hope i get forgiven for each time i ask,
Baby,
how i wish u can hold me now, warm my heart, and stay with me. and let the loving start, between u and me.


Monday, September 28, 2009

Me, you and us

Hey baby,
im sorry that I'm the cause of the tears and created so many doubts in your mind recently.
the first thing i would like to tell you is that, please dont put the blame on yourself as this relationship is ours and not yours alone. i have to take a partial of the blame too.
You might think its ridiculous but please dont put in heart whatever i say to you or how the way i talk to you during the night. You do know that i dont sleep during the noons therefore i am really groggy at night when i wait all the way till 5am. and frankly speaking, i dont really remember well about what we argued for yesterday. I remember saying hey baby, talked to u nicely about what u had for dinner and i seriously dont recall when i started to get cranky and started to argue. well i'm really sorry. I think most of us feels the frustration when we are tired late in the night, right?
but i know i cant boldly blame it on being tired, cause i know its ridiculous. so im sorry too baby, ok?

another thing is that you know when i ask you why arent u talking, as in literally asking u? I dont mean it directly as in why u not talking to me, I actually wanted to ask you why arent u talking out to me about wat u feel. You know i dont want anything to happen to our relationship,but why each time i want to talk to you about something, you just dont voice out. maybe you are scared of saying the wrong thing or something, but baby, i wont blame you. i just want the best to happen between both of us and it needs the contribution of both of us. both of us need to play our part and make our relationship go better. thats the reason why i always ask u why u not talking to me? its not because that you straight away dont talk to me. understand? hope u do, =P kinda confusing also.

by the way, i just want to say that i am sorry and i am part to blame for whatever had happened also ok darling? dont blame yourself only ok? mwah.. I am sorry too.

I will be waiting for you in the morning (your time) to talk to u again ok?
i love you darling, mwah. i hope we can make things go better as it seriously hurts me to see you expressing in such a sad tone. =( it breaks my heart. i hope i can mend your heart though, i hope and i pray.


not so good.

I dont know why most of the time after dinner we cant chat happily.
I dont know why most of the nights, we just burst out into tears.
tears not because i miss home.
tears because of us.
sometimes, i dont know what to do when u asked me why dont i talk to u.
whether should i continue looking at u?
whether should i go on and do my things?
maybe you heard a thousand times that i am not such a talkative person.
but i just dont know how to respond to you when we start to talk in a not so happy way.
sometimes i just think that this would not happen if i dint study overseas.
sometimes i just wonder that maybe these arguments wont happen if i dint come to the uk.
i once thought that there won't be any argumeents between us.
but they is no escape, including us.
but i just dont know why, it became worse,
since i came to the uk.
is it because of the time gap?
is it because we are half way around the world apart?
is it because we're 7 hours difference?
is it because of you waiting for me the whole day?
talking to u in the morning just makes me happy.
but i realise its a different story at night.
maybe because you are tired and need to sleep but sometimes i'm still out having dinner which makes you frustrated cause i am not yet back to talk.
so maybe that's how the sad thing started.
i know you want our relationship to continue and be better or something.
and maybe sorry isn't the word you want to hear since i said it a thousand times.
i don't blame you but put myself to blame.
i'm just not good at expressing myself.
i just dont want anything sad to happen.

sincerely sorry darling.





Sunday, September 27, 2009

too free

played around with some picture editing stuff i found on the net.
the results turned out to be satisfying. =)
i love polaroids lo.but its costly to own one. =(
so make use of free stuffs on the net.
tomorow's the first day of class.
feeling a little nervous cause i won't be in a class full of asians, but in a class full of guai lous.
quite a big change and challenge for me.
all of us are expected to ask questions, participate, give ideas and self study first before entering class. unlike in m'sia, where most of the students are spoon fed.
cham lo. i very shy one, how to talk in class le?? lols.






A night of memories







with love, milkyporkieboy

So many people say that they want you,
To try to get you thinking that they really care,
But there is nothing like the warmth of my love, the time that was put in and you know i will always be there for you,
Backed your border whenever someone crossed it,
Don't let nobody put you down or hurt you, cause i'm with you,
I will take the pain protecting your name, from the crutch to the cane all the way to the high wire.

I'm in love with you who knows me better,
Fell for you the minute we met,
You injected sweetness during my bitter times,
You are the one who understands,
You know how to treat me, and it was just right,
You give me that special feeling every night,
Nothing i do is right except when you are by my side,
I'm deeply in love with you.

I think its 8.18am there in Bristol and im waiting for a bum to wake up. =P. mwah, love u darling.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

My apologies.

If asked why i love you, I would say
It's the sway of your hips, the thickness of your thighs,
It's the love in your eyes,
It's the softness of your skin, the silk of your hair,
It's the twist in your walk,
It's the sweetness in your talk,
It's the way you love me and make me love you each and everyday,
That is what i would definitely say.

Baby, I'm sorry that I've been the cause of the recent arguments we had.
Whether it's over the phone or over the internet, no doubt they are my mistakes.
With the poem, I hope u can forgive me and forget about the arguments that I have caused so far, and there would be no more, I hope. =p

Do you know that each time we are on skype just before you leave to town, you will always ask me this " what are you going to do later", actually; whenever I wait for you to return to your room i just think, think and think. Everything about us. And i concluded it with something short,

I wouldn't know how not to love you,
but I only know how not to let you go.

Baby girl, of all the moments in my life,
You were always there somewhere, somehow, somewhat.
It was once a wish for me to have someone like you,
And it turned to become a blessing 8 months back when I found you,
but now,
It is the greatest loss im experiencing when you are far away from me.

How I wish you would just appear right next to me now. T_T

Well, it's a Saturday night and I'm so lonely at home. help me!!
I'm just waiting for you to get home and get on Skype with me. So be QUICK!

Baby, there's one last thing I would like to tell you,
If one day I am granted with three wishes, it wouldn't be Wealth, Fame nor Women
It would be YOU, ME, and US

I love you very much baby girl, mwah.

*hope you will forgive me after reading this*

-milkyporkieboy-


Thursday, September 24, 2009

I have a street in Bristol!

I know, maybe the pics i taken not nice or too boring or dont have me inside or dont have much colors or too dull or too normal... and I know there are much better things to take pics of in town rather than trees and flowers, but I'll try harder next time k =p


McD Aero McFlurry ice cream. cost 1.19 pounds for a little cup.haha. limited edition one le.




White starbucks! so pretty! so different!





BBC building.




some old ancient few hundred years old church. They are many churches in Bristol. They are everywhere! This was taken on a moving bus, hence the lamp post on the right. I dont know why the building looks senget .



This is Nando's! It cost 6.10 pounds! whilst in M'sia its like 15 bucks for a quarter chic. The side dish is called Ratatouille! seen the rat cartoon? yup, that's it. Damn nice lar.



Bristol used to be a very big harbour. This is called something Brunell.haha. I wasn't listening carefully to what the tour guide had said =x




nice place for drinking beer. No need go Asia Cafe drink la. This place better =x
But don't drink even better.



Last but not least, tadaa......MILK STREET!!! haha.
Wonder why they called it milk street.
Dont know got chocolate street, cake street, ice cream street anot.
This was taken in Cabot Circus. Not a circus though but a shopping street!



sausages everyday.

so here's my random post of how i've been in bristol. still working out on how to put the pics. i'm such a noobie at this blogger thing. Well, Bristol is a nice place. actually most of the places in UK are nice.haha.The weather here sometimes even when the sun is shining, it can be really cold because of the strong wind! i can feel myself flying! lalala~

well, let's start with some pictures as requested by the milkboy.haha, this could get very very random.
even title also so random.

On my way to Sainsbury, i saw this familiar car! guess what car is this?



And this is our first home cooked dinner. random food also.got sausages, maggi, fried pork (the pork on the first day damn nice but too salty)and eggs. i only cook the soup. cause my friends are afraid i'll burn the kitchen. But actually the soup is lebih one.



This is what we cooked on the second day (i boiled rice and chop mushrooms only). fried sausages with mushroom and vege with mushroom.



Then on the third night we had fried sausages and pork again! Its like everynight we eat fried sausages. But on the third night we add eggs to the sausage. All three meals add together only cost few pounds. cheap le...i know how to save money one k. We're planning to have bak kut teh for dinner the next time.hahahahaha. Then tomorow's dish of the day is pai kuat!

There goes my first pictured post.haha. Will try my best to post more guai lou and guai mui next time.lolssss..

Friday, September 18, 2009

more than words

Many things is starting to happen to us
and its only the beggining.
i broke your heart many times.
in malaysia and even in the UK.
i dont know what to say to you.
i know saying sorry dont mean anything anymore.
but i still do it.
how stupid am i.
to not know there is this fantastic guy, who is willing to sacrifice
so much for me.
and how silly of me to not appreciate the things that he had done.
sometimes i am thinking whether i deserve such a good person like him.
i want everything between us to go right.
i dont know how to ensure you,
but i'll tell you that i will be with you.
you have to start taking care of yourself k baby.
you have to start loving youself also.
you know what?
you have a habit of talking weird things when you are sleeping.
haha.
i dint know you have such cute habit.
well, im going to town tomorow.
i hope i can get the stuffs that i want.
you know what?
the heel of my black shoe came off yesterday.
i tripped on something on the floor and it just came off.
i think cobblers in UK are not easy to look for.
hence, i will buy a boots for myself to wear,
and also prepare myself for the winter.haha.

well, thats all now for this post.
stay tuned for the next one.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Non stop missing you

Support is all i can give you,
Sacrifice is what i can do for you,
My love is only meant for you.

My heart and soul is yours to claim,
Whenever you need me, Whenever u want me,
I will be here here waiting for you.

Although you're in UK and I'm in Malaysia,
I'm just a click away.
The minute i receive a miss call or sms from you,
I know its nothing less than urgent.
Hence, online is where i will be
Right here waiting for you.

Darling ar darling, remember when i was in Ipoh u claim that the blog has became yours. YOU ARE WRONG. I have reclaimed it. When are you gonna start posting again ar? Faster claim back the blog by posting lar.!

Well, i hope you can cope and adapt to the different lifestyle there in UK.
I am worried of you, each and every day. You want to know why? Probably because you're all alone there. I know you will make new friends, but I dont trust those people lar darling. Later they *kebas* you away from me. hahahah. i guess it wont happen cause u will stop them before anything happens, right?? right right right??? say yes lar. adoi *smacks the head*

I think i better go take my bath lar, if not you read until tomorrow also wont finish since i have also sent you a msg on Facebook. Well, i'll go take my bath now and wait for you to online again later.

I love you baby girl, mwah.. Take very good care of yourself ar..

With lots of love,
-milkyporkieboy-

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Sacrifices needed when there is time difference

Heyyy baby..
its now 11.48pm here. T_T
thats around 5 pm UK time

Knowing that i can only talk to you at 5am Malaysian time really dampens my mood. T_T
but its okay, coz you know i will be online waiting to talk to you
coz you know i will be right here waiting for you. =)

Well, first and foremost i hope you can get to explore the city later. but dont take too long coz im afraid that if u take too long i will miss the chance to talk to u on skype because i would have to go for my morning class already by then.

I also hope that you will be able to purchase the sim card there so that i can use my italk card to call you, this can save u alot because u wont get the double charge.

Well, you should be having fun if im not mistaken. I will get some rest now coz i can only talk to u in another 5 hours time. So when u get back to your room, miss call me until i sms u or send u a text on skype ok ?

i dont mind staying up late or waking up in the middle of the night just to talk to you. Its all ok with me. I just hope we both can give an amount of commitment in our relationship to ensure that our relationship lasts. okay?

I love you darling, mwah

-milkyporkieboy-

*someone* : yk

THINK POSITIVE

BE POSITIVE

DO POSITIVE

Well, it is easier said than done where everyone knows it. However, i shall not make you worry no more and i should follow the three things mentioned.

Baby, everything will go well between the two of us ok. mwah

Just hope you enjoy the two years at UWE. Don't worry about things back here, i should be fine and i will be right here waiting for you. Mwahs

-milkyporkieboy-

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

what a day.

I nearly miss the flight to london that day. I went to the wrong terminal, lost my boarding ticket after i checked in, dint know where was my seat, then all of the sudden my ring fell off from my finger. I dint know why i was so clumsy and careless that time, but then i cried when the plane took off.

Reached London Heathrow airport about 6a.m london time, waited for 7 long boring hours in the airport for the university's pickup bus to arrive. couldn't send msges frequently because one msg cost RM4 !!! and a minute off talk time cost RM4.50. How come so expensive??

i miss my boy very much. The size of my room is acceptable, but the size of the toilet is very small. After i close the curtain of the shower, there is no space for me to turn and scrub my hair or body or do whatever. Not good at all!!

Sainsbury is the nearest supermarket from the campus, it only takes 10 minutes to walk there. The food there are quite cheap (if you dont convert), and a large amount of food are instant, as in put in the microwave oven, ding for few minutes then it's ready to eat. Very convenient. As well as very fattening . For my first dinner, i ate cheese macaroni. Not bad, got the taste and the smell also.

I miss my boy lar. our distance now is like half way around the world. and our time difference is 8 hours apart. want to skype also not easy. i just miss you. how i wish we could celebrate christmas together. I heard that it snows in Bristol! Maybe i shall continue tomorow. very tired already.

Good night London, Good morning Malaysia.

I will be right here waiting for you...

Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice, on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
how can we say forever

(chorus)
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all The times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh can't you see it baby,
You've got me going crazy

(chorus)

I wonder how we can survive, this romance
But in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance

Oh you can't see it baby
You've got me going crazy

Baby, now you're in UK and i'm in Malaysia.
Many might say that I should think rationally,
Many might say that I am old enough to think rationally,
Many might say I am matured enough to think rationally,

However, this love is shared between me and you,
I'm able to push aside what people tell me

Baby, no matter how long the time difference is,
no matter how far you are away from me,
I will be right here waiting for you.
I will wait for you to come back and have you wrapped around my arms again =)
I will wait and stay up every night to be on skype with you. I will walk the extra mile, do the extraordinary and work a miracle so that our love, would last.

It has been 2 hours and 30 minutes since u boarded the coach to your University.
I've been in front of the computer waiting to see your nickname appear online in my Skype list.
My phone is here with me waiting for your message to tell me that you're coming online soon.
I hope we get to talk tonight on Skype, i know you are tired, but baby, i just hope that we can talk on Skype, even for awhile it would be good. It would definitely cheer me up and bring me back the sense into me.

Baby, no matter what you went through
what you are about to go through,
what are the time difference,
the lifestyle differences, the culture differences
and the culture shock that you will experience,
just bear in mind that there's one person in Malaysia that will wait for you to come back,
and that would be me.
No matter how long it will take you to finish your studies and come back, i will be right here waiting for you.
This purpose of this blog is to be the witness of our promises and vows, and here i am under the sky full of bright stars, i promise that i will keep my word.

Baby, i know i have been repeating these six words to you. I mean whatever i said to you and i'm going to say it one more time,
Baby, i love you and i miss you. mwah.

P/s: whenever you see me post something, try to post something back alrite. Take care baby

*waiting anxiously for you to online*
-milkyporkieboy-

Time-Freeze

This morning was terrible.

It was because i was still waiting for you to touchdown in UK.

I was awake the whole night, wondering what are you doing on the plane?

I kept praying so that time passes faster.

The time was 12.41pm in Malaysia when u sent me your first message from UK saying that you have arrived safely.

I gave a sigh which caught the class's attention and it was a sigh of relief to hear that you have safely reached. However, the feeling of me missing you kicked in again until i made that 2minutes call to you. I cant explain the feeling i had when i talked to you on the phone. But i think i should not make that a habit, if not i'll be calling u non stop and you will get charged. All i hope now is you get use to the UK lifestyle BUT PLEASE MAKE IT A HABIT TO SKYPE WITH ME EVERYDAY!!! I MEAN IT...

Anyway, im just sitting in front of my computer waiting for you while you're waiting for your transport to take you to your University. I just hope that i can spend a much longer time talking to you on Skype later because i have tonnes of things to say to you, however let me just cut it short now and say

I love you baby, mwah. Take good care alrite.

_
-milkyporkieboy-

Monday, September 14, 2009

A morning full of tears

Good morning, sigh.

Its now 8.58 am.

The minute i got up i checked my phone to see the messages from you, as usual what i would do.
It then came to my realization that you're on that 14 hour plane to London. Sigh, that hit me hard enough.

Well, i just hope u would text/call me the minute u reach Hearthrow, London. Find time to Skype with me. Find time to reply my emails. and find time to post on this blog.

Sigh, I love you baby. I started to miss you the minute u passed the checkpoint.

*sad*depressed*
-milkyporkieboy-

11.41 pm, September 14th 2009



Sigh, it was so hard to see you walk away from me at the airport.

My hands were glued together when i was hugging you, however, i know i had to let you go or else your parents would come after me saying " why didnt you let me daughter go study and bla bla bla " =P

Well, this was what basically happened the past few days.

I made her a cheesecake.
Got her a new phone
Cried with her over and over and over again.
Had dinner with her and the parents.

And this is what happened on September 14th,

I went over to her place at 6.35 pm, took her out nearby to get some passport pictures taken.

Took dinner at her house again with the parents. Left to KLIA after dinner.

The journey to KLIA was my worst journey. Imagine you have to send some one you love so much and watch her walk pass the checkpoint and knowing that you will only get to see her months later, well i dont know about anyone else but hell i know its tough for me. Throughout the 30 monutes journey to KLIA, i was basically attempting to flood the car with my tears. She was right beside me and had her arms across me. That very moment i really wanted to stop the car and take a U-Turn cause i know i will miss that feeling at that particular moment. When we reached KLIA, her parents helped her check-in her luggage and her her obtain her boarding pass. Soon after, they left and she was left with me and her friends. Which makes things worst since the parents is not there means more tears will flow. The minute the clock shows 11.10 pm, i knew that it was time to say goodbye. At that point of time, i had so much things that i wanted to tell her but i just dont know which things to say first. All i told her was,

Be careful when you are there,
Let me know when u arrive in London,
Have a safe journey,
i love you and i miss you

Sigh, can u imagine i just said those few things only knowing that i can only see her in June 2010.!! How stupid can i be, i mean seriously..
Well, i'm at home now writing this blog and thinking back of earlier of how stupid i actually was. The minute i reached home my tears started to flow again. Imagine when u cant give surprise calls or sudden messages to your loved ones anymore. I think you should have the same feeling im having now.

Well, now im just crying and praying and hoping that time will pass faster. I'll wait for you to reach before i sleep. I know its ridiculous but i doubt i can sleep now also. I just hope this 14 hours will just pass in a blink of an eye.


*crying**heavyheart*
*sad milkyporkieboy*

sigh, =(










Saturday, September 5, 2009

One after another disappointment

Sigh

My hopes could reach the sky each and every time

Yet

My disappointments reach the core of the earth most of the time

At times, i just wonder.

I always ask myself why, thinking that there's an answer to my questions.

Time after time, day after day, months after months have past, yet I'm still asking my self the same question.

Why?

Why is it that every time there is something for us to cheer or celebrate about, something will just turn up. Something will just appear and there goes our celebration. There goes everything.

Every pinch of hope i gave, it has to be taken away. Sigh.

Why does it have to be so?

Why can't things be better?

There are only 8 more days left before you fly to UK.

Months before September 14th i already mentioned to you that I hope we can spend more time together before you fly off, and yet. Things changed. Always there's a last minute plan that spoils ours.

Sigh, its depressing thinking of the things that happens over and over again. and yet again, i could do nothing about it.

Depressed,
-milkyporkieboy-

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

blah.

This is becoming like my blog. not OURS !
so, someone is staying in Ipoh and having fun for a few more days.
well, what can i say but have fun there and when you are at Cameron, don't forget to buy those giant cabbages and delicious maize!

I've got a feeling that this is going to be a very emo post.
but since no one is going to read about this, actually someone will be reading la,
i'll just say whatever i want to express myself.

so going to the uk is really no big deal. not many friends of mine knows that i'll be going there for my studies. actually, i rather prefer nobody knows. Then they will be like :" oh! milk milk, why you fly there also dint tell me?? " or " eh, where are you? uk ar? aiyar, go so far, remember to bring back one guai lou boyfren ah! not rich dont bring back u know!" something like that.

Nolar, actually i really miss my friends very much one. Haha, those so called friends!
I didnt know i was so lonely until now. call people yamcha also so difficult. =_=
so i think i will just stand in front of the mirror, kiss goodbye to myself and sayonara!
There is just tons of stuffs i feel like doing before i go.
But think again, nah, nevermind. forget about it. dont ask.