not so good.

I dont know why most of the time after dinner we cant chat happily.
I dont know why most of the nights, we just burst out into tears.
tears not because i miss home.
tears because of us.
sometimes, i dont know what to do when u asked me why dont i talk to u.
whether should i continue looking at u?
whether should i go on and do my things?
maybe you heard a thousand times that i am not such a talkative person.
but i just dont know how to respond to you when we start to talk in a not so happy way.
sometimes i just think that this would not happen if i dint study overseas.
sometimes i just wonder that maybe these arguments wont happen if i dint come to the uk.
i once thought that there won't be any argumeents between us.
but they is no escape, including us.
but i just dont know why, it became worse,
since i came to the uk.
is it because of the time gap?
is it because we are half way around the world apart?
is it because we're 7 hours difference?
is it because of you waiting for me the whole day?
talking to u in the morning just makes me happy.
but i realise its a different story at night.
maybe because you are tired and need to sleep but sometimes i'm still out having dinner which makes you frustrated cause i am not yet back to talk.
so maybe that's how the sad thing started.
i know you want our relationship to continue and be better or something.
and maybe sorry isn't the word you want to hear since i said it a thousand times.
i don't blame you but put myself to blame.
i'm just not good at expressing myself.
i just dont want anything sad to happen.

sincerely sorry darling.